I was wrong!I called her downstairs and asked my questions, reassured her she could talk without getting in trouble, yet shared how I really felt and why. Throughout the conversation the Lord kept me calm and collected. With my past history of abuse, shame, guilt, and bad decisions, this was HUGE!
But I was calm...
Basically, she told me that there was a boy that she liked and when I asked, she admitted that if he wanted to, she would let him kiss her. My heart was breaking! Was this the same little girl, who just a year before announced that she did not want to get married because she wanted to become a missionary. Why at such a tender, young age was she thinking about being loved and wanting to be kissed? I thought I did everything that I could to shield their eyes and hearts from seeing young people obsessed with dating and sex. I thought I spoke to them about the importance and amazing blessings of remaining pure and seeking God above all other things. I thought I told her enough how beautiful and loved she is!
Then I realized....IT WASN'T ABOUT ME!!!!!!
I was only looking at the physical. I wasn't even trying to see behind her words, to where it really mattered. Was there something that she needed that she was looking for from other relationships that I needed to be providing at home? I found out that she just wanted this boy to think that she was pretty and that she was special.
I gave her a hug after our series of questions and (mommy-heart) breaking answers, and asked her to go into her room and read Phillipians 4:8
"In conclusion, my friends, fill your minds with those things that are good and that deserve praise: things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and honorable." (Good News Translation)
I just wanted to renew her mind and teach her about the things she was parking her mind on. I wanted to reiterate that she could control her thoughts and she was not a victim to every thought that popped into her head. In the meantime, I called my husband. I shared with him what had taken place and we agreed that we are going to PRAISE GOD for allowing my daughter and I to have that conversation, and for keeping me calm so that she knew that she could talk to us. For the fact that she opened up to me and was honest, even though she was afraid.
I will PRAISE HIM!
I gatherd my little ones (who aren't so little anymore) around me and decided to have yet another family conversation. I talked to them, and WITH them about who they are in Christ and why they want certain things. The fact that there will be differences in their lives and in some of their friends lives; they can not just follow the crowd. I read them scriptures about who God says they are, and told them about the wonderful plan He has for them! How amazing discovering that plan will be for all of us as we do life together. Then we prayed! An amazing prayer of renouncing lies, renewing our minds, thankful for our time together and our family. We all asked for help in being obedient to the Lord and knowing Him.
After all of this I then asked my little (big) beauty to make me a list of ways that I can communicate to her that she is loved and special. That way she never has to look for love and acceptance in the wrong places. This is what she wrote:
Ways to make me feel special
1. Tell me that I'm doing something wrong instead of scolding me. Even when I do it over and over again because sometimes I just forget.
2. Let me buy things with my own money
3. Let me do things with you like making crafts
4.Help me with my homework
This is what I actually see:
1.Mom, I need to know that you and dad love me no matter how much times I fail and make mistakes. I need you to encourage me.
2.I want you to trust me and my decisions. Even though I don't know "everything" yet or what is best for me. I need a little freedom to learn
3. I want to be a part of your life. Especially in doing the things that you enjoy doing and make you happy. I want to learn from you.
4. No matter how much I know, I want you to be there for me if I need you. I like your support and your interest in my everyday life.
WOW! What seemed so devastating just a couple of hours ago, has turned into one of the most beautiful mornings I have had with my children to date...